Tuesday, November 27, 2007
I thought I should only be writing this at least 12 months post the incident, but to hell with it, I've got the inspiration at this moment and I should thank him for the inspiration. So here it goes...
Do I still hate him? [Yes] Do I still feel for him? [No] Then why do I still hate him? [BELOW]
I usually consider myself as quite a forgiver, though at times I take forgiveness more than I give them. But with this particular person, and with that amount of betrayal, I'm sad and not proud to say this, but here it goes... I CAN'T FORGIVE HIM
I was an inch close to classifying him as an 'old friend' when he stopped all means of contacting me in the middle of the night for a few months. However, few days ago, I received a gesture from him for the sake of 'an old friend' or 'patching things up' or 'whatsoever reasons', which ironically makes the hatred within me flamed itself again.
This I can proudly say, I knew him too well. He would be at least 99% drunk or high to be making such a gesture in the middle of the night; otherwise he would not have the courage to do so. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate people for being courageous after a few alcoholic cuppas.
The fact is he previously made his huge MISTAKE in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT when he was DRUNK [claimed by him], and now he's asking for FORGIVENESS in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT when he's DRUNK AGAIN... Let's put it short, instead of mending his faults, he's just simply highlighting them to me.
When applied to him, apologizing or doing whatever brave actions after a couple of drinks, is not an act of bravery, but an act of cowardice.
P:S For that pitiful man I've been shitting all over this post, I would like to take this chance to dedicate a special message to him, "I'm not sorry and I hate you."
Saturday, November 24, 2007
- As an advanced technology from my traditional diary book, which I've stashed away in a secretive place
- I'm writing with the hope that the person I'm mentioning or bitching about in the blog will be reading it
P:S I've thought of a million reasons but the above 2 would be most applicable
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
I remembered how I whined about my housemate being such a pain in the ass 8 months ago... Oopps, let me rephrase it.
I remembered how I whined about my EX-HOUSEMATE being such a pain in the ass 8 months ago and I will remember how I boast about my PRESENT-HOUSEMATES being such SWEET people to live with now:
- We have lotsa SWEET time at Bakerzin eating SWEET and delicious deserts.
- We have lotsa SWEET time cooking and actually eating our own SWEET meals.
- We have lotsa SWEET time cleaning and scrubbing our house to make it a "Home SWEET Home".
- We have lotsa SWEET time bitching about other SWEET bitches.
- For the lotsa SWEET time we had in the day, we had lotsa SWEET dreams at night.
Okie... The last one may be a bit exaggerating, but those before it are all nothing but the truth.
To conclude, I moved out from that control-freak's place 4 months ago and at last found my ideal place and ideal housemates, at least it's sort of ideal at the moment. It's furnished (in our own expense) and I'm only paying approximately RM50 more than what I used to pay monthly. Above all, I now own my personal shoe cabinet which has the capacity of 30 to 40 pairs of shoes (I'm a shoe-freak).
Gosh, it's a SWEET SWEET home in here......
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Annual dinner is just around the corner and the theme of the night is "Bling Bling Night".
If you can't catch what the theme is all about, which I'm not absolutely sure too, should be wear something that shimmers, glimmers and glitters. Well, the PLAIN-JANE me (hehehe..) does not own much clothing with the bling bling effect, perhaps I actually do but have accidentally forgotten or misplaced them.
I turned to Zhi Zhi and said, "Maybe you should lend me your butterfly outfit which you bought for the purpose of your annual dinner performance...", and we laughed our ass off the floor!!! (fyi: the butterfly outfit looks ridiculous and does not have the slightest butterfly effect :P)
This post is specially dedicated to my lovely housemate - Zhi Zhi
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Have been very pissed off by clients for the past few weeks or perhaps months, but yet I couldn't bark at them, though I felt like yelling " Just gimme the bloody documents!!! You are not bringing them with you when you are six feet under!!!" Well, to be true to myself, they are making my life one hell of a nightmare because of my stupid mistake in late August. So, I've been gulping my pride and apologizing to the respective bastards and bitches.
Couldn't release my anger to my colleagues, because that would be unprofessional and the most solid reason for not being able to do that is because, I'm still a super duper junior in the firm... No subordinates for me to bully yet.
Tried complaining to my friends, but too much complaining makes me feel like I'm totally selfish and self-absorbed. Which in fact some of them are already claiming that behind my back... But man, I'm tired of apologizing to colleagues and clients, just gimme a break!
Last year at this time, I could've released my anger to this particular unfortunate man, but sad to say, he doesn't exist in my life anymore. (should do some man-hunt in near future, helps in anger management, or perhaps anger absorbent)
Last but not least, it's the family members of course. They are the ones I've taken granted for and I knew would always be there for me. But on second thought, maybe I should just spare them the bother and not let them be worried of me. Frankly speaking, my mom has had enough of my tantrums during my "balik kampung time", and I felt guilty for my lack of filial piety.
Possible to find solace in alcohol, but my bloody credit card statements are showing horrifying figures. What can I do other than blog... the emotion dump-site!
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
I remembered 3 or 4 years ago, when I saw my X's X's gf and when I'm green with jealousy... I would think to myself, she's old and I'm young and there's no reason for myself to be GREEN IN COLOUR. Especially when I saw her dancing in clubs, I would again think to myself, at her age.... maybe she should just positioned herself quietly at a corner with a glass of wine.
Aheemmm... Back then she was at my present age, 24/25. So now I'm at that age, I'm beginning to think am I old or am I still young...
So how do you judge whether a girl is old or not...(physically/mentally old) ????
- When she notices that there's less guys checking her out
- When she notices her first wrinkles
- When she notices that she looks like Snow White's stepmom after one night of staying up
- When she notices that she spends most of her leisure time at home
- When she notices that she could only dance non-stop for the max of half an hour
- When she notices that she has less friends
- When she notices that she has less single friends
- When she notices that she gain weight easily
- When she notices that she doesn't giggle that often anymore
- When she notices that she's not that much a Big Spender anymore
Well.. To be optimistic, we can call it turning into a matured adult. To be pessimistic, we can call it turning into an old sag. To keep to the bright side, we shall say, we don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. CHEERS!!!
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Ever since my detach early this year, I notice an increasing number of people asking me a few unanswerable and perhaps irritating and stupid questions such as ..... "Why you don't have a boyfriend?"... "Why are you single?"... "Why you don't have guys going after you, you look kind pretty, don't be so choosy...."
I can't take it anymore... It's not my fault that I am single and it's not that I choose to be single. Why do ppl keep on asking us (us for the rest of the single girls out there) these questions?
Being single or attached is not like going into a convenience store to pick up your favourite snacks. At least to us, girls.. It's not like you wake up one morning and you decided that you don't want to be single anymore, so there and then you start to select which guys you want to pursue. Instead we wait for the guys to pursue us, and then only we consider whether we want to stay single or not...
Although we often boast that we are the new generation in the new millenium bulllll-shitttt thing, but frankly speaking, how many of us actually have the courage to ask a guy out on date, without the slightest intuition that the other guy have a thing for you and to pursue him out of the dark???
If we were to make all the moves,..... call him to chat, sms him good morning and good night, ask him out for dinner and movies, etc etc...continuously and consistently.... I'm pretty sure that the guy will be scared out of his pants!!! On the other hand, if we were to call him for a one-time-sex, do you think the guy would be happy to be scared out of his pants???? "MAYBE NOT"
Sunday, August 12, 2007
But recently I watch my first movie after almost 2 years, and the name is Bee Movie. Well, it was fun though... maybe because I haven't been doing it for so long, it's something new to me again, or perhaps I just had nothing better to do. After all, going for movies is actually my least prioritised source of entertainment - have always preferred to watch them at home.
I went for the second time today for Enchanted and I'm actually getting bored with it again. And I hate going to the cinema because:
- I can't pause the movie.
- I can't go to the washroom without missing a few minutes of the movie.
- My knees usually get cramps.
- Occasionally the cinema is a freezer to me.
- I can't smoke in it.
- It's meant for the lovebirds and I'm not one of them.
- Hate the hassle of booking the tickets, obtaining the tickets from the counter, queing up for entrance and exit.
- Hate to hear a stranger next to me laughing, screaming, squeaking, talking or fidgeting in his/her seat when I'm enjoying the movie.
- Not to say that I'm not going to the cinema ever again, just that as I have said earlier, it's my least prioritised source of entertainment.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Me Me : Yeah, a lil' bit
NxxxN : You know when I noticed that???
Me Me : (silence)
NxxxN : When I watched you from the back, it's very noticeable from your thigh and ass
Me Me : Hmm... Am I really that fat? It's not that bad, I gain 5kgs only... (self deception)
NxxxN : No, you're not fat. You are fuccckiiiinnggggg fat
Me Me : Don't be so mean... 5 kgs is not that much (**bloody shit, such a comment from a guy**)
NxxxN's brother : Wanna know how heavy is 5 kgs? Try this.. (immediate 5 kgs weight placed on my hands) Very heavy right..?? And you better quit wearing these super duper shorts, they just emphasize your huge thigh.
Me Me : (a bit offended)
NxxxN & bro : (teasings) Hey.... fei mui chai, fei mui chai!!!
NxxxN : I'm not being mean but just reminding you that you should not be unconcerned about your own weight and body shape at the young age of 24
Me Me : (**fucking pissed off and offended! Swear to go on to strict diet and exercise plan**)
So pls don't advise me that I look absolutely slim and if I were to go on diet, I would be too thin and blown off by the wind, because it's not true and I'm determined after receiving such insulting comments from 2 guys
Thursday, June 28, 2007
However, few hours ago my boss dropped me a bombshell and the bombing session goes like that....
Boss: Pei Yee, where are you now?
PY : Working in Malacca (** Duh... You send me there**)
Boss: Are you ok with going to SG next monday? You'll be allocated there for 2 weeks.
PY : No, I've to attend a wedding dinner next sunday in IPH. Can you send somebody else?
Boss: No, there's no other staff available. I have no other choice but to send you. So can you do it? No worries, you can go back to IPH during the weekend.
PY : Okay.. (**like I have any other choices**). So I'll be flying to SG on monday morning?
Boss: Yeah, bout that... You'll be driving down from KL to JB. Reason being you'll be staying in JB and driving to SG to work every morning. You see, client says the hotels in SG are expensive. Two to three times the price in JB. So the client put you guys to this plan.
PY : Alright. (**Thanks a bunch for the great job Boss!**)
Well so much so for the wedding dinner I'm looking forward to attend looking drop dead gorgeous. I'll still be attending, but probably looking exhausted and drained out of energy........
And this is my GREAT GAAGAGWAA job.
Friday, May 4, 2007
Recently I visited Cambodia for work purpose. The following are my findings:
- Malaysia is not that bad, in terms of the hot weather. It's ten times worse over there.
- The Ciggies and Beer is very........ I should say .. AFFORDABLE!
- The clothes are a real bargain! For those who love low cost boutique clothes, well, we are less fortunate in Malaysia. I actually bought a dress at RM35, which I once saw our local boutiques selling at RM70! And Cambodian silk is the happening thing there.
- The semi-precious and precious gem stones are suprisingly cheap! They claim it's real, by testing it in front of us with a THINGY. But then again, I'm not an expert, so couldn't tell the difference. (SSSHHH... I bought 2 pieces though, haha)
- Cambodians are much nicer and friendlier.
- They drive slowly but at the same time recklessly. Umm, that's my own opinion. Did not manage to find out whether their accident rate is lower than us or not
- A driver in Cambodia makes USD 40 per mth. Just try to convert it yourself........ Malaysians, we are much fortunate.
- The Naga Casino is filled with chinese. That's inevitable.
- Historical Facts: The Khmer Regime (Pot-Pot) excluded one word from their dictionary-HUMANITY
- I did not manage do visit Angkor Wat, which I heard is one of the 7 wonders of the world.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
For those whom are living with their families, you may think that you hate the constraints levied upon you by your parents, but think again, you are in fact a lucky person. (In fact I miss the times living with my family)
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Two days later, I decided to make a revisit to another doctor (some cosmetic and laser specialists). He took a look at my stitches and began to shake his head disapprovingly. The stitches were badly done. For the sake of a less obvious scar, we redo the stitches and ended up with 10 stitches. The whole process took less than an hour but it was not one of my favourite moments.
Five days later the stitches were removed. Of course there is a scar, the doctor did not have magic hands. He said give it some time (yeah right, time heals everything....).
For friends whom have not seen me during the CNY with a bandage under my chin or heard of my unfortunate incident and wish to send their regards to me, please sing me "You Are Still Beautiful - James Blunt". Thank You!
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Valentine's day is around the corner. Ever wonder the origins of Valentine's Day??? Well, apparently there's this guy near Roman named St. Valentine whom was a priest in about the year 270 A.D.He were blah blah blah and blah.....(mind me, I'm a bit low on the capacity for history)
Anyway, it doesn't really matter except for knowing whom to thank / blame for the existence of Valentine's Day.
In the 21st century I personally think that Valentine's Day gives most guys out there a hard time.For example, where should I take her out for dinner, what gift should I buy for her, what are the plans after dinner, should I buy her flowers, will I look hilarous with the bouquet of flowers that i carry out of the florist shop, are flowers really a necessity on Valentine's Day,how could I make her feel happy n special with the limited budget i have and etc etc.... (So guys out there is it true????)
Well, here comes the girl's point of view, or at least my point of view. I personally think that Valentine's day is a bit boring. It's the day when couples have to do all the cliches. First you book a table for two, then on the day itself you receive flowers, go for dinner where you can't order ala carte because everything comes in love-birds-set, exchange valentine presents, then you finish your night off with a stroll or maybe in the bed ............ and finally the next day you try to preserve the flowers you received and ended up with mosquitos all over the place.
It may sound unromantic, but please do not think that Valentine's Day is not important to we girls out there. It may be a cliche, however it is a validation day. The day we know how far a guy would go to impress us, the day we know how foolish you look with the bouquet of flowers in your hands, the day that we look forward to be showered with gifts and the day where we make a conclusion of how much in love he is with me....
Anyway enough of my personal opinion. I would like to end all these with wishing all couples out there,.......... Happy Valentine's Day / Happy Validation Day!
Monday, January 29, 2007
- To know that he would take your side no matter what
- To know that he would bring you chicken soup when you are sick
- To know that he'll always return your calls and mean it when he says so
- To know that he is actually afraid that you would leave the world before him
For those of you whom think you have found that special someone, Congratulations! But don't take it for granted... For us, we shall keep on searching for the other half of us, hopefully that one day we would be able to love like we had never been hurt.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Pei Yee, you don't take relationships seriously. (Do I?) If you are, you would have quited partying with your friends on every weekend, and instead try to spend some time with your boyfriend... Or at least do the partying together with your boyfriend.
Well I do spend valuable time with my boyfriend. But what's wrong with the weekend night hangout with my gal friends? Why is it that when girls go out partying would be accused of not committed to the boyfriend but when girlfriends disagreeing with guys going out partying would be called a control freak???
I think we girls could also enjoy a beer session as much as guys do. It is not a scientific factual that girls would only go to Starbucks/Coffee Bean......
Monday, January 8, 2007
But then again, what's life without some drama. As if in a shooting, the director suddenly just zap me out of my sweetest dreams and poured me with some nightmares that could probably haunt me for the rest of my life!
To put it short, it was some betrayal, mistrust and hurtful... With some tears shed, words yelled and regrettable actions done - enough, it's time to stand up for myself again. I've been riding the roller coaster for the past weekend! Exciting but did not get to the root of anything.
Life goes on...
I still drag my ass up in the morning unwillingly, relying on ciggies and coffee to wake myself up in the morning (definitely not a morning kiss.. it never did) ...
I still spend at least ten minutes in the morning figuring out what to wear to work, which leaves me rushing later...
I still get stucked in horrible traffic jams at sprint highway, jln kuching, jln tun razak, jln ampang , jln yap kwan seng and etc etc, occasionally cursing other drivers #@$#!%**@#$...
I still yearned for happy hour with the budget getting tighter and tighter...
Still, despite everything, my very loyal best friends were by my side all the time - " Miss Eyebag, Miss Dark Circles and Miss Beer Belly "
Seriously... it wasn't such a big deal! And my year 2007 resolution is to feel that I had it all for 5 seconds longer than year 2006...
Thursday, January 4, 2007
If Alicia Keys were right about 'karma' - Is the present a bad karma of the past? Or perhaps with some optimism, is the present earning me good karma for the future?