Thursday, March 27, 2014

Women Must Do & Must Not Do with Men & Relationship

Right this moment, I am attached but not married. I am 31 years old this year and I am Asian living in KL City. Can I call myself successful or not successful with men & relationships? I'm not sure. Maybe yes, maybe not.

I encountered my heart breaks & undying love from men which I wanted oh-so-much but couldn't have it and also from men I-do-not-want but they persist to the extend I think they are psychotic. Through these experiences, I sum up the below must do and must not do with men & relationship. It's not exactly 1+1=2 as they call it in love, but just my general thoughts. Did I do or not do all the below? Of course I didn't, otherwise I presume I would be happily married to my dream man as though I live in Korean, Taiwan & other lovesick dramas & movies. I'm not Saint and so aren't you. But as women, we should try our best to please the opposite sex without looking desperate. After all we are in 2014, women and men should be treated fairly & equally.

Must Do's:-
1) Learn funny jokes (in men terms) and tell them about it.
2) Pick up some cliche men hobbies. Ie.: pool, football, beer, men intellectual topics, etc
3) 50-50 mixture of independence and dependencies. This is tough and subjective. Ie: you can send your car to the workshop on your own during breakdown and tell your man about it, but you can't kill a cockroach or dispose garbage without the help of your man.
4)  Make an effort for ME-TIME once to twice a week, irregardless of whether you need it or not. Women when deeply in love, are soooo clingy. And that's a total No-No. Hence, irregardless of whether you need it or not, you have to act as though you need it. If you are so in love that you couldn't resist not seeing each other everyday, then at least make time for once or twice a week where you didn't initiate for the meet up.
5) Women love talking. Women love to make men talk. But when they talk, we don't listen. So try to listen when they talk. It could be any time during day or night. Just try to pay attention when they try to talk. It may not be deep & emotional talks, could be talks we thought are casual but important to them. Just listen!
6) Pick up cliche women hobbies/abilities that men appreciate but find it rare these days. Ie: cooking a 3-course meal, soup, sewing loose button, scrubbing and cleaning the house at every corner without screaming for help from him or your mom, know how to take care of kids before you have one, can resist from shopping, does not like gossiping and talk bad about your supposedly good/best friend.
7) Split the bill. Ok, I know Asian being Asian, we don't like splitting all bills like the Western mostly do. However, make an effort to pay for once or twice on dinner when he paid four or five times a week. Consistency is more important than total threshold amount for men. Don't try accumulating all the free dinners to an expensive birthday/valentine gifts. Most men do not know the prices of gifts like we do with just one glance.

Must Not Do's:-
1) Never slack from the above must do's and below must not do's, no matter how long you have been in the relationship. Like I mentioned earlier, it's about consistency.
2) Never use the word break-up or divorce to win an argument. If you had to when in a relationship, use it rarely say once a year and if you had to when in a marriage, use it rarely say once every ten years.
3) No matter how angry you are, you can cry (but not too often), but you cannot use violence (ie. slapping, pinching, biting, scratching, hair pull). Egoistic men usually do not beat women, but they also have a thing against being beaten by women. Men & women should be treated equally. If you think men beating women is a no-no, so is the other way round.
4) Respect his family & all relatives. Even if you can't click, you can remain silent with simple hello's or greeting's, but never bitch. You can be tagged as quiet, so-so, rude or impolite and still pass the test, but not when you are tagged as a BITCH. Even when he bitches, don't join his bitching. Just acknowledge with, "I see.." or "Wow" or "So sad" or "I feel sorry for you".  We don't know when he will make up with his family or relatives after the "don't look back in anger" period and not remember about your bitching. After all, it's FAMILY.
5) Never slack in maintaining your physical appearance. There is a saying, beautiful women = rich men. If you want to marry rich men, so do rich men want to marry beautiful women. And this principle apply to any norm person. Be in full-makeup in appropriate formal occasion and be in natural-barely-there make up in casual occasion. And of course, try to walk out your house without make-up confidently but not ugly. Tough huh? Yes, so exercise, proper eating & sleep is the key to it.
6) Never laugh when they cry. They will appreciate it.
7) Never be in terrible debts and let your man know about it. Men appreciate women with proper financial planning, which in a way makes the woman wife-quality. Unless your man is bottomless in cash and don't mind paying off all the debts on your behalf, which happen once in awhile in a real-life fairy-tale. Also there is a difference in efficient cost planning and kiasu-ness. Don't bother about any savings of RM100 and below, but cautious for savings of above RM100, or some other figures at your comfort level. In other words, save the big amount but spend the small amount so that you don't end up looking like a TOTAL-AUNTY.