Thursday, December 24, 2015

Go Fuck Yourself in the Face

We have been in a relationship for 3 years now. Significant events so far? Nothing but the cliche sweetness and rows.

Ups and downs we went through. We tried our best to drive each other into loving arms and we tried our best to drive each other crazy.

Well, 3 years is not a lot. These days, most of the time, I feel like telling you, go fuck yourself in the face.

What SH Choo commented was so true, from a different angle, unless this man decides to ignore you or unless you choose to ignore this man, he will forever haunt you in your life. You will just be forgiving whenever he makes a comeback to you.

For the cheating part, seriously, I don't even know what else I can do. I cried, I yelled, I hit, I revenged, I confronted, but its still this piece of stubborn shit that is edged in my mind and my heart.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

I lost the battle

Did I quit smoking? No, I didn't. Did I won the battle with him? No, I didn't.

Shameless, I called him last night, poured out my heart to him and cried as though I was a baby to him.

Did we mend things up? We did. I guess no man could take a woman crying like a baby, at least not on a frequent basis.

After the alcohol is gone, I rolled myself left and right on the bed, swearing to the empty room, 'What have you said, idiot?!?"

The next day he came over for breakfast as usual. We had sex and we went through the day as usual. I tried looking into his eyes for an answer. But I couldn't find it. All I saw in his eyes was he wanted things to be simple. And sex was simple.

A million thoughts went through my mind. A million bad thoughts went through my mind. A million bad thoughts about his sex fantasy without me went through my mind.

I must have gone crazy again.

I don't know what went wrong with our relationship. If simple is what he was referring to, simple to me, was when it all started and I had no doubt in him. But right this moment, the doubtfulness seem to stick to my mind as though it is a piece of stubborn sticker.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Bad habits

Every time I encounter an obstacle in relationship, I tell myself I would quit smoking.. Because if I can quit a 17 years bad habit, I can quit the habit of being in a relationship. Relationship, smoking or etc... It's all about comfort zone and jumping out of it... 

Have I? Obviously no... Otherwise I wouldn't been writing this but reading a book!

Tuesday, March 3, 2015


Is there a social media website that I can shout out aloud FUCK YOU and not to be seen by others whom I do not wish them to be reading? I guess the answer is NO

Friday, February 27, 2015


On a 27th February below are HOW IS MY DAY:-

DAWN:- Woke up in the middle of the night. Half frozen... Asked him to bring me clothes to warm me up. He reacted by snoring (which I asked again), and he reacted by giving me some blankets and fell back to sleep (which I asked again), and he replied with a raised tone, "What clothes!!!?".

I reacted by loosing my temper and kicked him out of the room, with his bunch of pillows, blanket & mattress.

MORNING:- Rolling all over the bed fuming. Still angry over the incident.

NOON:- Holly shit... Totally overslept for a handover to client at 11.30am. And I woke up at 12pm. It's all his fault. If he didn't ignore my request for clothes, I wouldn't have ended up with the rest of the night wide awake and with lack of sleep, and hence the fatigue and resulting of OVERSLEPT NOW...

ME:- Are we going for dinner together tonight?
HIM:- No... I am having dinner with my friends.
ME:- Hmmm.... Then what about me?
HIM:- I told you last night?? You said it's fine??
ME:- Izit..? Ok, then can you not go now? I want you to accompany me tonight.
HIM:- Hmm.... That's difficult. I already promised them.
ME:- Then can I go with you?
HIM;- No.
ME:- Why not?
HIM:- We already confirmed the no. of pax for food. It's difficult to add on another pax last minute
ME:- Okay... Then can I just go with you and not EAT? Then you guys have enough food...?
HIM:- No... It wouldn't be nice for you to sit there and not have food to eat while we are all eating. Why do you have to put me in such difficult situation?
ME:- SPEECHLESS.........................