Thursday, March 12, 2015

I lost the battle

Did I quit smoking? No, I didn't. Did I won the battle with him? No, I didn't.

Shameless, I called him last night, poured out my heart to him and cried as though I was a baby to him.

Did we mend things up? We did. I guess no man could take a woman crying like a baby, at least not on a frequent basis.

After the alcohol is gone, I rolled myself left and right on the bed, swearing to the empty room, 'What have you said, idiot?!?"

The next day he came over for breakfast as usual. We had sex and we went through the day as usual. I tried looking into his eyes for an answer. But I couldn't find it. All I saw in his eyes was he wanted things to be simple. And sex was simple.

A million thoughts went through my mind. A million bad thoughts went through my mind. A million bad thoughts about his sex fantasy without me went through my mind.

I must have gone crazy again.

I don't know what went wrong with our relationship. If simple is what he was referring to, simple to me, was when it all started and I had no doubt in him. But right this moment, the doubtfulness seem to stick to my mind as though it is a piece of stubborn sticker.