Thursday, March 12, 2015

I lost the battle

Did I quit smoking? No, I didn't. Did I won the battle with him? No, I didn't.

Shameless, I called him last night, poured out my heart to him and cried as though I was a baby to him.

Did we mend things up? We did. I guess no man could take a woman crying like a baby, at least not on a frequent basis.

After the alcohol is gone, I rolled myself left and right on the bed, swearing to the empty room, 'What have you said, idiot?!?"

The next day he came over for breakfast as usual. We had sex and we went through the day as usual. I tried looking into his eyes for an answer. But I couldn't find it. All I saw in his eyes was he wanted things to be simple. And sex was simple.

A million thoughts went through my mind. A million bad thoughts went through my mind. A million bad thoughts about his sex fantasy without me went through my mind.

I must have gone crazy again.

I don't know what went wrong with our relationship. If simple is what he was referring to, simple to me, was when it all started and I had no doubt in him. But right this moment, the doubtfulness seem to stick to my mind as though it is a piece of stubborn sticker.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Bad habits

Every time I encounter an obstacle in relationship, I tell myself I would quit smoking.. Because if I can quit a 17 years bad habit, I can quit the habit of being in a relationship. Relationship, smoking or etc... It's all about comfort zone and jumping out of it... 

Have I? Obviously no... Otherwise I wouldn't been writing this but reading a book!

Tuesday, March 3, 2015


Is there a social media website that I can shout out aloud FUCK YOU and not to be seen by others whom I do not wish them to be reading? I guess the answer is NO